Hello world. My friend Rav`N says that I should tell you a little about myself before I begin my tale, so I shall. My name is Lyntellick “Nopinky” “Hothead” “Manyaxe” Garrick and I’m a Gnome. I like pink (note from the transcriber: A LOT!!!) and I like axes. I’m about 3′2″ and I have pink hair and pink eyebrows, with a small scar through my right eyebrow. I’m also missing the top half of my left pinky finger… That’s how I got my nickname “Nopinky” see? I was playing with my Da’s wood axe, when I was much younger, and it slipped and cut off half of my pinky… Anyway, I wear pink clothes and pink studded leather armour and I painted the handles of my axes pink. They’re the prettiest axes you ever did see now. There are 3 of them. Two are throwing axes and one of them is a great big Dwarven Battleaxe. I love my axes and my pink armour… stupid rogue, stea…oops, that comes later. Where was I?

Ah yes, I come from a village somewhere to the north, by a river. I wanted to buy me a holiday home that I could go to in winter and do “winter” things at. So I bought what I was told was a pretty little building, in the middle of the mountains south of my village. I thought it would be perfect for my winter retreat. So I packed my little toboggan with some pots and pans and my bedroll and climbing gear… and my paints of course… and off I went to find my winter retreat.

It wasn’t quite what I had expected though, just a bunch of crumbling grey walls. No doors or roof or anything. I was a bit disappointed at first, but Uncle Flyntlefink always used to say, “Life’s an adventure. Take the good and the bad it throws at you and turn it all into fun.”… Ah, Uncle Flyntlefink. Ma and Pa named me after him you know? The “Lynt” in my name comes from the “Flynt” in his. I hope that one day I will be as wonderful a gnome as he is… Anyway, with his wise words in my mind I picked myself up and started to explore my new winter retreat.

That’s when I met Mr. Skullnbones… I don’t know if that’s his real name, but I called him that coz he looked so skinny, like a bag of bones… I found him sitting next to a chest in a sheltered corner of the ruins. He had a bit of parchment that looked like the one they gave me when I bought this retreat, except mine is pink and his is just the normal parchment colour… Booooooring… I found another one of those parchments inside his chest too. He was leaning to the side at a kind of funny angle. He looked kind of cold too. So I pushed him up straight and made him a hat from the parchment in the chest, and I used the parchment in his hand as a bit of a blanket over his lap… Sitting bare-skinned out in the cold like that, no wonder he looked cold. I made a nice fire to keep him warm, set up my bedroll and blanket next to the fire and went off to hunt us some dinner.

That’s how I spent most of my days. I would wake up, brush my hair and wash myself, with some snow that I melted in a pot over the fire. Then I would spend some time tobogganing down my hill or climbing the nearby cliffs. Sometimes I would paint… I painted pretty pink flowers on the walls in our corner of the ruins… After that I would hunt snow hares and cook them up for Mr. Skullnbones and me. He would never eat much though. At first I thought I was overcooking or undercooking the hares. But however I cooked them he would just sit there and look at his food. He refused to touch it. No wonder he’s so skinny… And weak. He could barely move at all.

I collected all the hare skulls and, once I had enough, I painted them pink and made them into a necklace for Mr. Skullnbones. I think he liked it. He had the biggest grin when I put it round his neck… But then, he’s always grinning. He’s a very cheerful sort, he is. That’s why I like him so much.

Whenever it stormed we would huddle together in the shelter of our ruins. There, with the wind howling around us, he would tell me stories about himself and his people. At least, that’s what I thought his stories were about. He would simply chatter away but I could never understand his language. He spoke in these funny clicks and rattles and whistles… An elder in my village used to tell us about a dark-skinned human tribe from the plains that would speak in clicks and whistles. I think Mr. Skullnbones must be one of those people. Poor Mr. Skullnbones, so far away from his tribe, sitting up here all alone with nobody to talk to, until I came along.

Anyways, one day when I was just getting ready to ride my toboggan down the hill for a little while, I heard some voices. It turned out to be an elf and another gnome wandering around my retreat. I thought that was very rude of them to just barge into my home without announcing themselves or knocking first. I told them as much and ordered them off my property. I even showed them my piece of paper that says I own the place. The gnome apologised and we started talking, but the elf just started poking his nose around the place. VERY rude that one. Even Mr. Skullnbones didn’t like him, and Mr. Skullnbones is usually so easy-going. The gnome was a wizard of some kind, most gnomes are. He made the snow turn pink and some sparkly pink lights flash in the air. I like him. He said his favourite colour isn’t pink but he made his illusions pink just for me. That was nice of him.

Apparently they weren’t alone. The wizard-gnome called out and a human and half-elf came up the hill and joined us. Those two were ok. Not like the rude elf. They all introduced themselves. The wizard-gnome is Jammardinary (Jam for short), the rude-elf is Aldos, the half-elf is a cleric called Jacob and the human is a fighter called Tascosin. They told me that the four of them were out hunting white dragons. Showed me a bit of parchment with some squiggly lines on it, that they called a map, and asked me if I knew where to find white dragons. I told them that usually you just have to look up, not at some little bit of parchment. Then I told them about how Uncle Flyntlefink once went dragon hunting. He went with a group of human fighters. He got the fighters to attack the dragon from the front and distract it while he ran up its tail, all the way up its back, right up to the head and then, BANG! He slammed his pick right through the dragon’s skull and into its brain. Killed it in one hit. That’s my Uncle Flyntlefink. He was a good fighter, he was. Earned himself the nickname “Dragonsbrain” that day.

They asked me to go hunting dragons with them. Showed me a blue square-shape on the parchment with the squiggly lines, and said they wanted to go there. I wasn’t very interested at first. Blue is kind of a boring colour and dragons are big. REAL big. But then they said they were only hunting tiny little baby dragons and I saw some pink things on their parchment. I told them I’d go with them if we could go to the pink places and they agreed. So I packed up my things and got ready to go with them. I asked them to help me put Mr. Skullnbones on the toboggan. He’s too week to walk and I didn’t want to leave him behind, all on his lonesome again. Poor Mr. Skullnbones, who would look after him if I left him? That’s when the rude elf killed him. He grabbed Mr. Skullnbones and attacked him. Mr. Skullnbones is a real peaceful sort and he just fell to bits when the rude elf attacked him. I was really, really, really, mad at the elf. I wanted to kill him. He killed Mr. Skullnbones, so he should die too. Mr. Skullnbones never did anything to him. He was just sitting there. The evil-rude-elf just barged into our home, poked his nose around and then killed Mr. Skullnbones. But I didn’t kill him. I was too worried about Mr. Skullnbones. I asked the other to help me bury him and they started to dig a hole, while I found some sticks and painted them pink to mark Mr. Skullnbones grave with.

Just then the evil-rude-elf said he saw something “humanoid” approaching from the bottom of the hill. I couldn’t see anything at first but then I too saw it. It looked like a really, really, REALLY big human. A giant. Everyone started to run down the other side of the hill. I grabbed Mr. Skullnbones head (I guess he’s just Mr. Skull now) and jumped on my toboggan. I offered Mr. Jam a ride. The 3 of us went whizzing down the hill, faster than the rude-elf or the human or the half-elf. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, that was fun. I’d never ridden on my toboggan with anyone else before. We yelled “wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and waved to the others as we passed by. I think Jacob got jealous of the fun we were having. He put his shield down and tried to ride it down the hill like a toboggan. He got to the bottom of the hill almost as fast as Jam and me, but he wasn’t very good at stopping. He used a tree to stop. Silly, didn’t he know that if he’d just let it go for a little bit longer the toboggan would have slowed down on the flat area?

We turned and looked back and saw the giant heading straight for us. He looked like he was following the toboggan tracks. So we used a tree branch to wipe away the tracks, hid the toboggan and then hid ourselves amongst the trees. I told Jacob and jam about how a giant attacked Uncle Flyntlefink one day. A big, fat, smelly giant. Lucky for Uncle Flyntlefink, he figured out that the giant was so grumpy because he had a hang-nail. He couldn’t see his feet to remove the hang-nail coz he was so fat, so Uncle Flyntlefink hacked it off with his sword and the giant was so grateful he let Uncle Flyntlefink go. They used to call him “Giant’s-friendâ€? Flyntlefink, they did.

The evil-rude-elf and Tascosin were still running around on the hill but the giant went right past them and came to the bottom where we were. He pulled up 4 or 5 trees and got a fire going. Then he pulled up some more trees to keep it going. Every now and then he would look into the woods where were and then shout up my hill, as if he was calling someone. Finally another giant joined him and the two of them started peering into the forest where we were hiding.

One of them spotted Jacob, silly half-elf. He was trying to hide behind a tree half his width. He pointed Jacob out to the other one and then he started to rush towards Jacob. The other one seamed to hear something and rushed off in another direction. The one moving toward Jacob seamed to get tangled up in the air or something. Some web-like thing. He was having trouble moving towards Jacob, but he was slowly getting there. The other one returned, looking rather puzzled, and then he started slapping himself in the face, like he was swatting at flies or something. I could just make out some flashing lights around his head. I think Jam was playing tricks on him.

The first giant reached Jacob and swung his big club at him a bit. That’s when Jam started shooting him with some sort of magic arrows that melted his skin. Jacob tried to fight back but didn’t seam to do much good. I wanted to help, but if I tried to get any closer I’d get tangled up in Jacob’s spell too, so I stayed where I was and tried hurling my throwing axes at the giant. Unfortunately he was too far away and I couldn’t hit him. Then the giant hit Jacob a final time and Jacob didn’t get up again. The other giant had also gotten tangled up but he finally managed to free himself enough to attack and kill Jam. By this time Tascosin had reached us and attacked that giant with his greatsword. I ran out with my battleaxe and tried to help him. Those mean giants were killing my friends. The evil-rude-elf shot the giant that had attacked Jacob and been burned by Jam’s magic arrows. I think he killed it but then instead of helping Tascosin and me he ran away. Cowardly-evil-rude-elf. The giant killed Tascosin and I went into a Rage. I managed to get a few good hits in, and almost got him, but then he hit me a few times and I don’t remember anything after that.

The next thing I knew I woke up in a room with a BIG human in fancy armour standing over me. I thought he was the giant at first but the giant wasn’t dressed that fancy so it couldn’t have been the giant. I was naked except for a sheet the man had put over me. The sheet wasn’t pink. It was white. I felt so naked. He said that I’d died and he brought me back to life. Then he told me to leave. I thanked him and then walked out of the room, wearing nothing but my sheet, went down the corridor and came to a shop. I looked outside and it looked real cold. I yelled out to the man asking for some clothes but he said I couldn’t have any unless I had money…. which of course I didn’t. So I sat down on the floor and waited.

Eventually Jacob and cowardly-evil-rude-elf and, a little while later, Jam came and found me. They said the giants had killed Jam, Tascosin and me, but only knocked out Jacob. Jacob cut off one of each of our fingers and brought the fingers back here so that we could be resurrected. I asked him if he had my things and he gave me my toboggan with my backpack, Mr. Skull and my equipment on it, but not my weapons and armour. He said cowardly-evil-rude-elf had them. But the Mr.-Skullnbones-murderer refused to give them back to me. He babbled something about doing favours for the man that brought me back to life and things like that but refused to give me my things back. The thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-elf!

Jam told me that he had a keep across the road and it’s nice and warm in the keep. So I went outside and across to his keep with them. There were 3 keeps there, all in a row. As soon as we entered his keep he asked me if there was anything I wanted. I told him I wanted my armour and all of a sudden I was wearing my armour. I was so happy to have it back until he told me that it was magic and if I tried to go outside it would disappear. Then I was sad again. He said I could have a bath and food and things like that though, so I said I wanted both. They showed me to a room that was all in pink. The bed, the candles, the walls, EVERYTHING was pink. It was so pretty. I couldn’t have imagined a prettier room myself. Even my bath water had pink bubbles in it.

After I cleaned up and had some food, I went downstairs and joined the others. Tascosin had joined them too and they were talking about what had happened. Apparently, Jacob and Mr.-Skullnbones-murderer didn’t have enough money to pay to bring Jam, Tascosin and me back to life. So they promised to go on some kind of a quest for the Mr.-fancy-armour-man that had resurrected us. Apparently, all of us had to go on this quest for it to work out, and at first thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-Mr.-Skullnbones-murderer-elf said he would only give us back the equipment he stole from us if we agreed to go. So we agreed to go. We would have anyway. If the man that brought us back to life wanted a favour, how could we not agree to help him? It just wouldn’t be polite.

Then the crazy-thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-elf refused to give us back our things again, saying that we had to thank him. “FOR WHAT?” we asked him. For stealing our stuff in the first place? He wasn’t even the one that brought us back to be resurrected. He didn’t even want to. It was Jacob that did that. He kept insisting though. So we said we’d thank him after he gave us out stuff back. He went and got the stuff and brought it back, and we thanked him and claimed it.

Then Jam, who seamed to like him as little as I did, told his guards to shoot crazy-thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-elf. He tried to run away, but they shot him in the leg and then they caught him, gave us all his stuff and threw him in a dungeon. I giggled and then started looking through his stuff.

I found a fancy cup with gems on it in crazy-thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-elf’s stuff. But Jam told me not to drink from it because it can have some very, very bad magic. So I threw it aside and looked for some money. I found a gold piece and a platinum piece. I took the money and went back to the shop across the road and bought some clothes. They didn’t have anything in pink. I walked back to the keep, planning how I was going to dye the clothes pink and all of a sudden, just as I entered the keep, there were pots of pink dye sitting in front of me. I remembered what Jam had said about the magic not lasting outside the keep so I dyed my new clothes with the dye and took it outside. Sure enough, the pink disappeared. So I went back in and dyed the clothes again with my real dye this time.

After my clothes had dried, I put them on and went down to the dungeon looking for the others. I found Jacob and Jam arguing with the Mr.-Skullnbones-murderer. I got bored and went back upstairs to paint. I painted a picture of some pink flowers to hang in the hall. It will brighten the place up. When I joined the others again, I found out that they had banished crazy-thieving-cowardly-evil-rude-elf to a room somewhere in the keep, where he will be locked up forever. He’ll never get out and he’ll never want to. He has everything there that he could ever want. I didn’t care. As long as I didn’t have to see or talk to the Mr.-Skullnbones-murderer again it was ok.